The Sins On Your Back
by SloaneRisette
Summary: Seeing Kate brought to the edge has helped Victoria realize just who she really is. What she's done is weighing down on her back. And as much as she wants to be able to repent for what she did, she's not sure she'll ever be able to.


**[Trigger Warnings for attempted suicide, suicidal ideation, and thoughts of suicide]**

 **A little oneshot I thought up! Victoria is realizing just the type of person she truly is after the end of episode 2. A bit more in line with my other Kate-centric fanfic, Mt. Washington, and may have a follow up in the future that is lighter in tone with Kate and Victoria. Hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

It had actually… almost happened. Victoria had never expected everything she, Taylor, and Courtney had done— but especially her— to actually lead to this. Kate Marsh had nearly killed herself today, had nearly jumped off the roof of the fucking dormitory building.

And the whole time she had been filming it on her phone. Even when Max Caulfield had come up to try and talk her down. Just in case Kate had jumped, she wanted to get it all on film. Somehow, it wasn't until just now, hours later, that it was all finally setting in of what she had done.

 _ **That she was a monster.**_

Victoria was sitting on her nice white couch, alone in her dorm room, in the dark, sobbing. Her makeup was ruined, she was a disheveled mess completely. It didn't matter. None of it mattered.

Kate had nearly committed suicide, had nearly jumped off a _**fucking building.**_

And she stood there, filming it with a grin on her face, laughing with her friends, waiting to see Kate jump. _**Wanting**_ Kate to jump. Wanting excitement, wanting drama, wanting to be the bad bitches of Blackwell Academy.

She knew why Kate was brought to that point. Because of her, because of the Vortex Club, because of that video. The video she took to clown on Kate and laugh at her. It nearly drove her to kill herself.

It was only now that Victoria started to realize just what she caused— the damage she caused to Kate.

It was all Victoria's fault. She was the one who had been harsh on her ever since they met, who sicced her best friends on her the past month.

"I'm… I'm a fucking monster…" she mumbled, staring at the floor, eyes wide, hands gripped on the sides of her head, fingers pushing in. She had spent a lot of time that night sobbing into her hands, and now just couldn't stand it. She was breaking down now. Knowing what she had done.

And up until this point she was happy to do it all. Evil grin on her face as she insulted Kate about her vow of abstinence, as she made fun of her clothes and poor makeup, about how she wouldn't drink and party with everyone else.

 _ **What the fuck kind of person was she?**_

She was breathing heavily, she wanted to scream. Kate was in a hospital bed now because of her— all she knew now was that Victoria was awful and that the only person that gave some semblance of a fuck about her was Max Caulfield.

And it was all true. Victoria Chase was an absolute monster. The ice queen of Blackwell Academy was nothing more than a cruel, heartless monster. Max really was the only good person at this school. Courtney, Taylor, Nathan, herself, they were all just waiting anxiously to see if Kate would jump.

If she had jumped, Victoria didn't know what she would have done.

Maybe the same, honestly.

Her breathing sped up, she was close to hyperventilating at this point. All of these realizations building up and building up. It was all pounding against a floodgate, ready to burst through and break free. Victoria Chase _didn't_ have meltdowns, she didn't break down.

That's what everyone knew, and that would all be proven wrong tonight. Pretty soon she would be screaming and everyone would hear.

Everyone would know that not only was she an absolute, irredeemable monster, but that she was also weak, never as strong as she tried to let on.

"You're a monster, Victoria…"

She could feel herself losing breath, her heart pounding in her chest, like it was going to burst out.

"You're so fucking cruel, Victoria… you ruined Kate's life…"

The tears had just about stopped now, the last few dropping onto the floor from her chin. If eyes could be dry, hers were.

"You should just… should just…"

Silence.

She said nothing, but thoughts filled her head— racing in her mind. Thoughts she hadn't thought in a long time, since she was a young teen still trying to figure out how to present herself in the world. Fighting for her parents' approval. Fighting for the approval of everyone and everything.

Thoughts that Kate must have had just a few hours ago— thoughts she may have still had now.

…

Her breathing sped up again.

She dug her nails into her temples, not focusing on the pain it was causing. It didn't matter, none of it mattered.

Silence filled her room— filled the entire dormitory.

Until Victoria finally let out a bloodcurdling scream. It lasted a while and was loud. She was shaking uncontrollably now.

…

Another scream, just as loud as the first one.

And then she was silent.

Victoria wasn't paying attention, but footsteps were running pounding down the hall, stopping at her door.

She shook again as a barrage of knocks hit her door, her hands slowly enveloping the sides of her head.

"Victoria!"

"Victoria are you ok!?"

…

No response from her.

"Victoria!?"

"Victoria… we're coming in!"

Courtney and Taylor, her two best friends— minions as the entire school knew them as— were just outside, concerned as hell for her.

Victoria couldn't comprehend why that would be at this point.

Finally, the doorknob turned, and the two girls nearly fell in, Taylor closing the door quietly after. They stared at Victoria in worried silence as she still remained silent, staring at the floor.

"We… we heard you scream, are you ok?" Courtney asked, hands wringing together nervously.

…

"Victoria… we're really concerned… what's wrong?" Taylor asked right after, taking a few steps forward to stand next to Courtney. Both girls had a look of panic on their faces.

"I'm… I'm awful…" she whispered, her friends frowning.

"Victoria…"

"You're not…"

"I am!" Victoria snapped before falling onto the couch, resting her head on the arm. She started sobbing again, eyes shut. She couldn't bare to look at Courtney or Taylor. They knew how weak she was now. They would never look at her the same way again. It was all downhill from here.

Courtney and Taylor slowly, warily walked over to Victoria, not wanting to upset or startle her.

"What's wrong?" Courtney asked, frowning.

…

Silence.

"Victoria, talk to us, please. We're here for you. We're your best friends…" Taylor said, hoping the words would soothe her.

"I… I have her blood on my hands…" Victoria said quietly, and their faces fell.

It all became so clear to them in that instant.

"But… Kate is ok, Victoria. We saw…"

"You're— you're not bad. You don't have her blood on your hands…"

Even if everyone outside of their little clique of three thought of Taylor and Courtney as nothing more than Victoria's minions, they loved her more than anything else. She was their best friend imaginable, they'd do anything for her. To make sure she was ok.

"Yes I do… I hurt her… I nearly killed her…" she told them slowly.

"…I could have killed other girls, for all I know," she added after moments of silence, stunning the two. They were speechless.

"This isn't the first time I set out ruining a girl's life. I've thrived off it. I've loved it and gotten so much enjoyment out of it…"

"Victoria…" the two whispered as they stared at her, scared. They had never seen her like this.

"I've probably killed other girls. And I never cared. I just laughed, and laughed, and laughed. It didn't matter to me. It never occurred to me that I caused real harm— and if it was ever brought up, I laughed it off…" she kept going.

"Victoria, please don't say that," Taylor begged, as Victoria finally pushed herself up off the couch. She moved through Courtney and Taylor, the two getting out of her way in an instant, even now there was the instinct of not getting in Victoria Chase's way.

Victoria walked over to the mirror in her room, Courtney and Taylor saying nothing. Victoria just… stared in the mirror. She was now seeing what a broken down mess she was. She looked awful, and not even just that, but she felt awful. It was so clear now, looking in the mirror, that she was truly this mess— this awful, cruel mess.

"Look at me… Queen Victoria Chase, always so well kept together. Always the picture of perfection— untouchable by all but the lucky few… She's nothing more than just a complete, monstrous, disgusting bitch."

Taylor and Courtney were frowning. They walked over to Victoria, one of them on each side of her, all three looking into the mirror in silence.

Until Victoria burst into tears.

"I'm a monster! I'm just a fucking evil, heartless monster!" she wailed, covering her face with her hands. Courtney and Taylor quickly wrapped their arms around Victoria in a big group hug. Victoria needed them there right now, and they sure weren't going to leave her.

"Victoria, you're not a monster."

"You're a human being and you just made mistakes."

"We still love you."

"I'm… I'm awful, though…" she told them, still sobbing. Both of them were doing their best to try and soothe her still.

"You're not awful, Vic."

"I nearly killed Kate, though…"

Courtney and Taylor gulped. The three of them were all responsible for it.

"She's alive though."

"Victoria… you can't beat yourself up over this forever."

"But… she's in the hospital."

Victoria's sobs slowed down, and now she was just sniffling, finding it hard— exhausting to keep crying.

"She'll be fine, we can go see her soon, we can apologize. All of us," Courtney assured her. It wasn't exactly the thing her or Taylor wanted to do most, but they would.

"She won't forgive us. She shouldn't…"

"Kate is one of the kindest people ever… If she knew how you felt right now, I know she'd be able to forgive you, Vic," Taylor told her. With how upset Victoria was, it was discouraging for the two. But they had to be there for her— they were afraid to leave her alone at this point.

"We're going to go soon, to see her. As soon as we can," Victoria told them, wiping her eyes. Her voice was still shaky, but she was at least sounding better than before. It was a massive relief for Courtney and Taylor.

"Yeah."

"That's a perfect idea, Victoria. Everything will be fine."

As the two did their best to assure her, Victoria stared at her mirror— at herself.

 _"I hope she doesn't think I'm still just a monster… or maybe that's for the best."_


End file.
